I'm Not A Crazy Girlfriend, It's Just My Anxiety

I'm Not A Crazy Girlfriend, It's Just My Anxiety

Believe me, if you saw my relationship from the outside you would absolutely label me as a crazy girlfriend. I feel that way sometimes, too, but I promise that it's just my anxiety.

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I have "crazy girlfriend" tendencies.

Believe me, if you saw my relationship from the outside you would absolutely label me as a crazy girlfriend. I feel that way sometimes, too, but I promise that it's just my anxiety.

As much as I hate it, I am in a constant state or worry and I feel as if I need to be in control at all times. I tell myself to let things go, but it's as if my mind is telling me that I need to keep close tabs on my boyfriend at all time. My mind is always convincing me that if I say one thing wrong or don't overanalyze everything about every situation then my relationship will fail. The smallest things trigger me, but I promise, it is so far out of my control.

Without knowing his location, my anxiety takes over.

It's not that I don't trust where he is or who he's with, because I'm almost positive that he's either at home or at school or at work. It's just that if I don't know where he is and I haven't heard from him in awhile, my mind automatically jumps to the worst case scenario—that he's dead in a ditch. I feel absolutely crazy wanting to know where he is all of the time, but sometimes not knowing is even worse and has me preparing what I would say at his funeral.

If he leaves me on read, my anxiety takes over.

I could really care less if he has his read receipts on or not, but because he does have them on, being left on read is the cause for so much unnecessary anxiety. Sending a text to say that you're in the middle of something takes only a few seconds, and I know that, which causes my mind to immediately wonder why he would open a text and not respond. I fear that I'm suddenly not good enough for him, that I said something wrong and made him upset, or I fear that the worst has happened to him. I feel crazy as I double text him asking why he didn't reply, but no matter how hard I try, my mind won't let it go.

If he's hanging out with friends, my anxiety takes over.

I'm not his mom, so I can't and don't tell him who he is and isn't allowed to hang out with and when he can and can't hang out with his friends. That simply is not my job. But I end up worrying about him like I am his mom when he does hang out with friends. I know that he's a god guy and I 100% trust his judgment, but I don't know his friends and I constantly worry that one of them will pressure him into doing something that he shouldn't, or that one of them will make a dumb decision that will put my boyfriend in danger as well. I want him to go out and have fun, but I've seen boys be stupid and my anxiety immediately tells me that his friends are going to be stupid as well.

If he changes his profile picture, my anxiety takes over.

This makes me feel so stupid, and I admit, the first time I ever told him that this was triggering for me was an embarrassing day, but it comes with a backstory. A few years ago he changed his profile picture to a picture that I wasn't in and the next morning, I woke up to a text saying that he thought that things would be best if we took a break for a little bit. Even to this day, a simple change in his profile picture forces my mind to race and assume that it's because he's mad at me. I am in a constant state of worry that history is going to repeat itself. This is something that he will likely never understand and, to be honest, I'm not even sure that I fully understand it.

Anxiety has a crazy way of working like that.

If he's in a group chat, my anxiety takes over.

I'm not being self-centered and saying that every time he's in a group chat they're talking about me, but he's told me on more than one occasion that my name has been brought up and I would love to know what's being said about me. In the past, he's had friends make derogatory comments about me, and while I 100% trust him to shut things like that down, I am in a constant state of paranoia wondering if someone will say something like that again. He's also had friends who will try to convince him that he'd be better off single. I know that he would never believe them if he told me that, but I would kill to know if that's what's being said about me. My anxiety convinces me that his friends hate me and that the second they hear my name they have to make their bitter feelings known.

As badly as I want to be the laid-back girlfriend who is worry-free, my anxiety will never let me do that. I applaud my boyfriend because I know that it's something that is so hard to understand. I am forever thankful that he so willingly does what I need him to do to make me feel more comfortable. I am so thankful for the endless hours that he spends trying to get me to believe that this really is all in my head and that he would never do anything to hurt me. I am so thankful that no matter what, he will never see me as being a crazy girlfriend because he understands that this is something that I can't control.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

8 Qualities That Still Hold Up When Looking For The 'Perfect Guy' In 2019

He hasn't come along yet, but I'll know him when I see him.

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Ah, the mythical "perfect guy." Technically, he doesn't exist.

But there are guys that seem perfect to the people who love them despite their flaws. Over the years, I've compiled a mental list of things I look for in a guy. The list has changed over the years as different things became important to me. It's probably as complex and comprehensive now as it'll ever get, but I can't be sure.

The following are in order of importance, at least for me. Here are the best qualities to look for in a man in 2019:

1. Having strong faith.

This is crucial! I'm Christian, so for me, that means if he's not a Christian, it's a dealbreaker. My morals and beliefs are very strongly linked to my faith in God, and I just can't be with someone who doesn't share that conviction. I wouldn't marry a man who's not a Christian, so why even bother dating one?

"Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because he heard God say, 'That's her.'"

2. Kind

This is also very important! I've liked guys in the past who had some of the other qualities I looked for I but weren't kind. A relationship without kindness is toxic. Everyone deserves someone who treats them well, but that person should treat everyone well. They shouldn't discriminate with their kindness.

3. Funny

I need a guy who can make me laugh! He also needs to be able to understand my sense of humor, which is mostly sarcasm. I find a lot of things funny: jokes, puns, memes, no matter how seemingly stupid. If you've got those, you're golden.

4. Smart

Intelligence is attractive. It's true. I want a guy who's smart but isn't conceited. He knows he knows a lot but he doesn't think he's better than everyone else. He doesn't have to be a genius. He could be really smart in one subject, or kind of smart in many subjects. I just want him to know a thing or two about a thing or two.

5. Hardworking

My guy needs to be ambitious. He needs to have goals that he works toward. He can't be lazy. I believe that it is primarily the man's duty to financially support his woman. This is most applicable in marriage, but it works in dating relationships, too. I don't want someone who is unable to provide for me. In order to do that, he needs to be able to provide for himself.

6. Cute

You knew I'd get to this! I'm not blind, after all. Trust me, I think it's important for a guy to be attractive. But it's not as important as everything listed above this. I've been told I have weird taste in guys in terms of looks. What I see as cute doesn't always line up with society's definition. The important thing is that I'm attracted to him. Physical attraction is important in a relationship. To be picky: I don't like facial hair or too much muscle. I do like chest hair and back muscles.

7. Creative

This can mean a lot of different things. He could draw, paint, write, sing, play an instrument, etc. As long as it shows that he's inclined to use the right side of his brain. I'm a writer, so I'm naturally more drawn to people who prefer creativity over logic.

8. Interested in Me

Despite being last, this is extremely important! Without this, none of the other things matter. It's just like every other crush I've ever had. Nothing different. Nothing special. While I've been able to find guys who exhibit the first seven qualities, the eighth has been much harder to come by. I've never been in a relationship, so I imagine it will be really wonderful when I eventually find someone who reciprocates my feelings.


Some people may think my standards are too high, but I refuse to lower them. I believe that God has someone out there for me who lives up to these standards and even exceeds them. I just have to be patient and trust His timing.

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The Friend You Like Romantically Doesn't Owe You Anything

The friend-zone can be escaped, but not in the way you might want
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We've all heard the story of the "friend-zone." Boy is in love with his best friend, she dates all the wrong guys and fails to notice how perfect he is, then eventually realizes how wrong she was and they live happily ever after.

I used to think that the friend-zone was a myth that lonely men created to feel better about themselves. But then I got friend-zoned myself.

Yes, it sucked, but the second I realized I had feelings for a friend (that I knew had no such feelings for me), I decided to suppress the feelings. When that wasn't enough, I cut them off for a bit, then, slowly, I felt OK. I could communicate with them without having unwanted romantic feelings pop up. I had escaped the friend-zone.

Having gone through that, I had more sympathy for someone I had to friend-zone a little while later. I had been friends with this guy for a few months. I didn't have many college friends yet and I was really lonely, so having his company really meant a lot at the time.

This caused me to not be able to see what should have been clear: he had a crush on me. When I finally made the realization, I immediately let him know that I didn't feel that way about him. He said it was OK, but I could tell it wasn't.

We didn't talk at all over the summer and when we came back for the fall semester, he would barely look at me. I had started dating his friend, which caused an even bigger rift between us.

Though I understand where he's coming from, I was also really mad at him for a long time.

It was as if he was only nice to me because he wanted romance in return. But people are not vending machines. You can't put in your "nice guy" coins and expect love, sex, or whatever the hell it is you want in return.

It hurt me to know that he only wanted romance and once that was off the table, he no longer wanted anything to do with me.

But then I thought back to the friend that had friend-zoned me. Unrequited affections really suck, especially when they're for someone that you spend a lot of time with. But the key is to work to escape it.

Yes, liking someone you're friends with and them not liking you back is a real thing, but people tend to treat the friend-zone like this mythic hell dimension that can never be escaped. But you can escape. Just maybe not in the way you'd like to.

Now there are three ways you can escape the friend-zone:

The first option is to confess your feelings and try to win them over. Now, this isn't completely unheard of. I've had friends that have dated people who had previously friend-zoned them, but it's extremely rare and risky. You have to risk your entire friendship in order to do this. If it doesn't work out, it could strain the friendship or sometimes break it beyond repair.

You can also do what my ex-friend did and completely cut the person off. If you're being a love-zombie and only doing nice things for the friend because you expect romance in return, leaving the situation might be the most healthy decision for you. I understand now that my friend might have stopped talking to me out of self-preservation. But it still hurts the people involved.

The third and final option is to just get over it. It's harsh, but it's real. Why try something you know is going to fail and cause pain to both sides? Yes, getting over crushes can be really difficult, but getting a normal friendship back rather than being stuck a love-zombie for them is worth the pain.

Whichever one you choose, just remember this: Your friends do not owe you any romantic affection. The work you put into making them happy should just come out of the goodness of your own heart. If you expect romance in return, you're not being a good friend to them. If you really care about them, don't put that kind of pressure on them. They don't want a mindless love-zombie that does their bidding for the hope that they'll get a tiny love kernel out of it. They just want a friend.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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