I Said Goodbye To The Friends That Didn't Like My S.O., Here's Why You Should Too

I Said Goodbye To The Friends That Didn't Like My S.O., Here's Why You Should Too

If you can't bother to get to know my S.O. how are you going to be my friend?

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For most of my dating life (which started around my freshman year of high school), most of my friends didn't date and had no intention of dating. That being said, trying to maintain a friendship while in a relationship wasn't always easy. In general, trying to juggle school, work, friends, family and a relationship isn't easy.

But it's even harder when your friends who have never been in a relationship, don't understand.

If you don't want to date, that's totally okay, do whatever makes you happy.

What bothers me is when someone, especially one who has never been in a relationship, tries to tell me, how my relationship should go.

Or who I should be dating.

Or anything about my dating life.

Don't get me wrong, I've been in my fair share of bad relationship choices. But they were all decisions that I've learned and grew up from. Without those mistakes, I never would have learned what I do and don't want in a relationship.

Not long ago, I was in a fairly bad relationship. Some would say it was borderline abusive, others would say it was straight up abusive. Not getting into the details of that, I knew I had to get out of the relationship, not only for the sake of my sanity but for the fact that I no longer saw that person as someone I could be with. I had started to grow feelings for a close friend, who was saving me from the relationship I was in.

The friends I had didn't approve of that previous relationship, which was understandable. But it was constant criticism on my part, instead of his. It was "you jumped in the relationship too soon" or "this is why I told you to stop dating for a while" putting the blame of the bad relationship on me. While I know it was my decision, this could have happened to anyone, at any point in their life. I was looking for understanding by coming to them, they were judging.

It had dawned on me that they did that with my relationships quite a bit.

When I had started dating my current boyfriend. Some of my friends weren't exactly thrilled. While some of them were trying to give him a chance, others refused and would bash him at every chance. Due to something that happened years ago.

Now, I'm not saying that my friends needed to be really close with the guy I'm seeing, but it would've been nice for them to give him a chance. It hurts knowing you have such strong feelings for a guy, that your friends just refuse to accept. They said I should've stopped dating because I date "too much."

SEE ALSO: 16 Things You Say To Your Friends That Can Actually Be Slut Shaming

I had waited months after my past breakup to start dating him. I wanted to get to know him on an even more personal level than we were before, so I knew what I was getting myself into. While those friends didn't approve, I realized with a lot of long thinking, that they weren't the kind of friends I needed to keep in my life.

I loved those friends, we shared great times together and I would never wish them anything less than the best. But it was time to cut our ties because we had different goals for our futures. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who wouldn't give my significant other a fair chance. If that's wrong of me, so be it. But my goal is to spend the rest of my life with him. To live with him every day and share a life together. I'm not exactly doing that with my friends.

If your friends don't like your significant other, before even giving them a chance. Start to re-evaluate your friends. If you like them a lot and your family likes them a lot. Or just a few of your friends don't like him, but the rest of them do...it might be time to say goodbye.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

When You're Dating A First Responder, Sacrifice Is Something You Have To Respect

It is his career and I respect that 100%.

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I have heard all kinds of stories about women whose boyfriends/husbands are firefighters that died in the line of duty. One that always surprises me is when they get angry with their significant other for not considering them or their families when on the job.

As the girlfriend of a firefighter, I 100% disagree with how those women feel and here's why.

My boyfriend has been a firefighter for about a year and a half now and has known that it would be his career since we started dating as seniors in high school. Before he even started working for a department, I was constantly nervous about how I would feel when he was out on calls. Would I ever get over the anxiety of the possibility of him losing his life and putting it at risk with every call?

When he did finally get on a department, I was extremely nervous for the first six months or so. Then something hit me. This career was his decision. He encouraged me to attend a school six hours away from home and said doing long distance would be ok and we'd make it work. While that's not the same as running into burning buildings, he always supports me with everything I do.

Running into burning buildings, standing on the side of busy roads and climbing dangerous ladders is what he chose to do for a living. It's his calling, his way of finding his place in the world. He trains harder than anyone I've ever met and is currently studying extremely hard to become a paramedic. Saving people's lives is in his blood.

If he gives up his life to save someone else's, I will not be angry or upset. I will be proud. If I have to go to his funeral, I will be surrounded by his brothers for support and my children will know their dad was a hero. In my eyes, regardless of if he's driving the engine, working the hose or running into those houses, he is a hero. Every time the tones drop, I no longer feel anxiety. I feel a sense of pride knowing that he is there for people in their worst moments. He's the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel, the literal saving grace.

There is nothing in this world that makes me prouder of my firefighter boyfriend than the selfless job he chose. I chose him because of that selflessness and I will never regret that, regardless of the fact that he may lose his life for someone else.

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To The Boy Who Loves Me Next, You're Allowed To Leave Me

And I am not scared of it happening anymore.

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"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I used to, in the past, fall for people because they made me feel like it was safe to.

The guy who brought me flowers on the first date, told me he would follow me anywhere a week and a half after meeting me, and blew hundreds of dollars to impress me, seemed like the right option. I was so proud of myself for ending the cycle of going for the "wrong guy." I ignored all of the red flags because he was a comfortable, safe choice. If he was that emotionally connected to me, I should like him. I chose to pursue him over a guy I had feelings for at the time because I felt like it was the "right" choice to be with the "good guy." It didn't matter that I felt nothing when he kissed me, that we had nothing in common, and that I truly was not okay with some of his life decisions. It didn't matter that he treated me horribly, because as long as I felt like he was loyal to me, needed me, and wouldn't leave me, I didn't care what happened within those parameters. I fell for security, or the illusion of security. I didn't fall for a person.

The biggest fear I had was if I let my guard down for somebody, that they would walk away. I couldn't have known that choosing security, choosing the person I didn't think would walk away, would carry me right into the most toxic and suffocating relationship possible — one that drained all of the life force out of me and actually never ended up making me feel any positive feelings. He mistreated me over and over, leaving permanent scars on my heart that I'm not sure will ever fully heal. But I felt like I had invested too much emotion already. Opening my heart up was the most difficult thing I had done, and I didn't think I could ever do it again after the immense failure I felt had come from that relationship. So, it was better to be safe with the devil I knew than the devil I didn't.

Eventually, though, the hurt came. He did leave, and it felt like he had taken everything from me but my ability to feel pain. Despite me choosing the safest route I could possibly find, I still was left totally devastated. But I wasn't devastated over losing him. I was devastated over losing my security.

This, unfortunately, is the caveat of love. If you can manage to fall for someone when they fall for you, you are very lucky. But you will never have that guarantee. Somebody could promise you on their lives that they will never leave, they will never lose interest, that they will be the one in your life who doesn't hurt you, but they still don't owe you anything. You could be with somebody for years and years and they could wake up one day and decide that they don't love you anymore. In a healthy relationship, the person you're with needs to feel like they have this freedom, and you need to be comfortable with them having it.

We have to be strong enough to be okay with this harsh truth. There are no guarantees in love, or in life. It is devastating to fall for somebody and to lose them. But the solution to this is not to avoid falling for people — the solution is to accept that you might lose them. But you must love them despite that.

You must love despite the risk because it is selfish to love somebody only when they have proven to be a low-risk investment for you.

You must love despite the risk because love is not rooted in codependency and safety.

You must love despite the risk because that is the only way you will ever be able to experience the deeply satisfying feeling of being vulnerable with somebody with absolutely no expectations of them, knowing what you're risking and doing it anyway, throwing caution to the wind- and for them to return it.

You must love despite the risk because everybody you love will eventually be taken away from you. Permanence in love simply does not exist.

You must love despite the risk because you are strong enough to.

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