It's Okay If You're Over Your Ex, But Still Think About Them

It's Okay If You're Over Your Ex, But Still Think About Them

A name can bring back countless memories, even if you're over them

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We live in a world where we are supposed to get over our ex-boyfriends or girlfriends with the shake of a lambs tail, and not waste our time grieving over the loss of an almost relationship, because it wasn't a real one, so why be sad over someone who doesn't want to fully commit to you? It's all a load of bull. You took the time and finally got over the lump in your throat and pain in your stomach from the hurt of it all. You might have taken weeks or months, but you're finally fine again. You even might have met someone new. Everything with them is great, far better than you ever thought, and you even forgot your past sadness. That is until you hear their name, and you go right back to the heartache.

What's in a name? Everything about a person is in their name, and you'll forever associate that name with the one who hurt you. You know you're over them, clearly, so why does hearing this persons name or seeing them around campus like a punch to the gut? Why do you think about them when your mind drifts off, or you hear a certain song? The answer is simple, you can be totally over someone but still think about them from time to time. There's no shame in it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Everyone thinks about their former flame sometimes, whether it's a fleeting thought or something that occupies more of your time than you like, like when you're trying to sleep and just can't, your mind drifts. You can be with someone new, but still find your thoughts somehow shifting towards the past, wondering who he's seeing, and if he's happy now like you finally are. Obviously, your happiness is MOST important, but it doesn't hurt to send positive vibes their way, because as much as you want to wish them the worst, you know you won't. Negative vibes only bring out more negative vibes, and you only need positive ones in your life.

I think about my former flame from time to time, especially if I happen to see him on campus. It's a load of awkward because we're very much never going to talk ever again. Do I have my days when I smack myself for missing the times we had? Yes, but I'm not going to punish myself. I've found my inner peace and learned to fall in love with myself again, and give my heart to someone new who deserves it more than he ever did. No bad blood from me, I only wish him the best and hope he lives the life he hopes for.

I don't think we need to punish ourselves for letting our thoughts gravitate, we're human and we have feelings. Feel those feelings, write them out, and move on. If you're thinking about your former flame multiple times a day every day of the week, that's when I would worry and maybe reevaluate yourself and what you want in terms of relationships. However, sometimes we just have to let our thoughts linger on the past, so we can see how much better the present is.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

8 Weird Things That Inevitably Happen After You’ve Been On Dating Apps For More Than, Like, 10 Months

Staring and swiping all day really does something to you.

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The world of Tinder and Bumble is a weird one.

You meet all kinds of people from all walks of life. Yet for some reason, every single person's hobbies consist of hiking and traveling.

From receiving creepy one-liners about cunnilingus to being constantly hounded to drop all your plans to meet a stranger, Tinder is a gold mine for article content.

1. You never actually meet up.

This is almost inevitable. You'll start talking to someone. It will either be great, weird, or most likely mediocre. You guys have some things in common (probably hiking and traveling) and someone is gonna bring up the possibility of meeting.

Usually one party is busy this week and an actual date never gets set. Or sometimes it is but is never fulfilled.

Neither of you are bad people, it just never happens. I'm not quite sure why this is but it's going to happen at least once. Or twice.

2. You hit Snapchat purgatory.

I am a firm believer that Snapchat is where Tinder flames go to die.

Of course, you might head down the avenue of explicit content that I don't need to present to my Facebook family audience, but more often than not you guys hit a dead end. Maybe you'll exchange a couple snaps for a day or two, but then it turns into crickets on both ends. Something about that little ghost does something to people!

Also, can we talk about how guys are always asking for selfies? I get catfishing is a thing, but if I'm spending the day on Tinder I probably haven't showered and I've just finished crying. Not the best foot forward.

3. You meet up once and then nothing ever happens again.

Okay these all sound depressing but it just happens. A date can go well from both sides and still nothing comes to fruition after. You can argue that it didn't go well enough which could be true, but I think part of the ghosting has to do with current dating culture.

Or it's just me. Yeah, it's probably me.

4. You have an arsenal of weird stories.

A pro to all these weird situations is that you now have a bunch of funny yet disturbing stories about creepy men. The perfect icebreakers for dates, new friends, and work events. It was absolutely horrifying in the moment, but boy can you look back and laugh now!

5. You already know them.

It's always so weird when you see someone you know on Tinder. Old classmates, friends, coworkers. What do you even do in that situation?

My rule of thumb is to reserve the super likes for your good friends so you can inevitably tease them later but also for the cute guys you never had the courage to talk to in person when you knew them. Just keep intentions of the super like clear.

6. You see them in class.

This is a weird one. Whether you matched while you had a class with them or they show up in your class a week later, it's still awkward. Maybe you get lucky and it's the push you need, but it can also just be downright uncomfortable. As Tinder goes, it's usually the latter.

7. Your friend has already been on a date with them.

Even more awkward than being forced to see them in class, is knowing your friend has probably already experienced the same thing. Does the rule of dibs apply? Insecurities and awkwardness can easily roll in.

Or you can both bond and laugh over how weird it was. That's better

8. You have the worst date ever.

Hey! At least you've got a new story!

But honestly exercise your best judgment, don't let any weirdos walk over you, and BE SAFE.

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I Asked 11 Independent Young Women All They Accomplished After Leaving A Toxic Relationship

"My grades have gotten better, my mental health has improved overall, and I'm just overall happier with my existence now that I'm in a healthy environment."

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We live in a culture that thinks that after a relationship ends, no matter how toxic and draining that relationship was, we need to be devastated. We clearly never loved the person if we don't experience heartbreak. However, I believe that isn't true. Sure, we are heartbroken by the love that didn't make it, but most of the time, leaving a toxic relationship is our saving grace.

I am so sick of watching strong, wonderful, beautiful young women allow a toxic relationship to hold them down. There is SO much more to life than feeling stuck with a partner that makes you feel like crap. You can truly thrive after leaving this relationship and you can accomplish everything you've always wanted and more.

I decided to highlight the stories of 11 strong young women and all that they've accomplished since ending their relationship. This goes to show that the heartbreak will not be your end — in fact, it will likely be your beginning.

1. Since I left this bad relationship, the self-love and accomplishments just keep growing.

"I stopped being nervous about leaving for school, I didn't worry about him pressuring me to do things I didn't want to, and going to school with that lack of worry allowed me to blossom. I've been on the Dean's list twice (round three coming in a few weeks), joined an organization that allows time to grow into a better leader, I volunteer with kids who need me, work with kids who appreciate me, and have made friends who support me. The positive effects of focusing on me just keep on coming." - Anon, 20

2. My dreams came true.

"After I got dumped by my ex, who was cheating on me with my best friend's roommate, I got accepted to my dream grad program and started a business." - Elizabeth, 22

3. I got myself in shape.

"After dating around in college, one guy hit me. I was so devastated that I allowed someone to do that to me that I decided to hit the gym so that way in case I needed to defend myself I could and I could feel good about my body!" - Sarah, 19

4. Now, I am myself.

"I was able to finally just breathe and be myself. I was always forced to do everything his way and please him so I never considered myself. I grew so much as an individual and became stronger because of it!" - Anon, 19

5. I found my passion.

"I got accepted into my school's honors college and discovered my hidden talent/passion for makeup." - Sara, 21

6. I'm in a healthy environment, and because of that, I am happy.

"I learned what toxic behaviors looked like in even the most subtle ways. I was able to learn what I really believed, which didn't really fit with what he believed, or even what my hometown as a whole believed. I became more empowered, believing in myself more and strengthening my voice and opinions. I was able to learn that I needed to treat myself better and hold others to the standard of treating me better, too. I've become more social since I'm no longer restricted from going out or hanging out with friends. I've grown to love my body more now that what I'm allowed to wear isn't dictated by someone else. My grades have gotten better, my mental health has improved overall, and I'm just overall happier with my existence now that I'm in a healthy environment." - Emily, 21

7. Since leaving my toxic relationship, I have...

"- changed my major

- gave up on pursuing a toxic ex-friendship

- got accepted to intern abroad

- turned 21

- met the one

- discovered my own self-worth" - Maria, 21

8. I'm loving every minute of my life now.

"A two-year relationship just ended a little over two months ago. The first few weeks I was a complete and utter disaster. I didn't really know what to do with myself. Now, I am working on school like I haven't before. I didn't let myself enjoy college in my relationship because he was constantly putting me down for coming to college. I am truly enjoying my college experiences especially academically. I have succeeded in so many things and have joined so many new organizations. I am so busy, but so happy and feel more like myself than I ever was in my relationship. I am not 100% better or healed, but that will take time. I am, however, learning so much about myself and loving every minute." - Caitlin, 20

9. I am now ready for the love I truly deserve.

"I learned so many things and it grew me tremendously as a person—but I think the most important things were that I began to see who truly loved me, I developed a higher sense of self-respect, I no longer had someone sucking the life out of me, I learned how to obtain closure and healing inwardly from myself, and I opened myself up to the possibility of gaining the type of love that I am worthy of." - Anna, 19

10. I'm thriving without them.

"At first I didn't want the communication to stop because the attempt at a relationship ultimately ruined a 5-year-friendship, but eventually I just got used to not having them in my life anymore. My mental health has really improved. That relationship was mentally and emotionally draining and wasn't necessarily productive or empowering. Since then I have really enjoyed not getting caught up in what others think of me and have really enjoyed focusing on myself rather than pleasing someone else. Months after not having any contact, they decided to request to follow me again even though they were the one originally wanting to cut all communication. I accepted it, but I've mentally decided not to reach out or make any communication they attempt to be short. I've realized I don't need them in my life and they didn't want the part of me I was offering months ago, so they don't deserve me now. They can watch me thrive and living my life, but they don't get to be a part of it." - Anon, 18

11. I learned so much from this experience, and for that, I'm thankful.

"I became my own person again, I learned how to be happy on my own, gained friends and confidence, overall, I lost a lot during my toxic 4-year relationship and am so appreciative of how I've matured and developed since then. I'm thankful as to how much I've learned from the experience and who I have become today." - Jennifer, 19

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