We live in a world where we are supposed to get over our ex-boyfriends or girlfriends with the shake of a lambs tail, and not waste our time grieving over the loss of an almost relationship, because it wasn't a real one, so why be sad over someone who doesn't want to fully commit to you? It's all a load of bull. You took the time and finally got over the lump in your throat and pain in your stomach from the hurt of it all. You might have taken weeks or months, but you're finally fine again. You even might have met someone new. Everything with them is great, far better than you ever thought, and you even forgot your past sadness. That is until you hear their name, and you go right back to the heartache.
What's in a name? Everything about a person is in their name, and you'll forever associate that name with the one who hurt you. You know you're over them, clearly, so why does hearing this persons name or seeing them around campus like a punch to the gut? Why do you think about them when your mind drifts off, or you hear a certain song? The answer is simple, you can be totally over someone but still think about them from time to time. There's no shame in it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Everyone thinks about their former flame sometimes, whether it's a fleeting thought or something that occupies more of your time than you like, like when you're trying to sleep and just can't, your mind drifts. You can be with someone new, but still find your thoughts somehow shifting towards the past, wondering who he's seeing, and if he's happy now like you finally are. Obviously, your happiness is MOST important, but it doesn't hurt to send positive vibes their way, because as much as you want to wish them the worst, you know you won't. Negative vibes only bring out more negative vibes, and you only need positive ones in your life.
I think about my former flame from time to time, especially if I happen to see him on campus. It's a load of awkward because we're very much never going to talk ever again. Do I have my days when I smack myself for missing the times we had? Yes, but I'm not going to punish myself. I've found my inner peace and learned to fall in love with myself again, and give my heart to someone new who deserves it more than he ever did. No bad blood from me, I only wish him the best and hope he lives the life he hopes for.
I don't think we need to punish ourselves for letting our thoughts gravitate, we're human and we have feelings. Feel those feelings, write them out, and move on. If you're thinking about your former flame multiple times a day every day of the week, that's when I would worry and maybe reevaluate yourself and what you want in terms of relationships. However, sometimes we just have to let our thoughts linger on the past, so we can see how much better the present is.