It's Okay If You're Over Your Ex, But Still Think About Them

It's Okay If You're Over Your Ex, But Still Think About Them

A name can bring back countless memories, even if you're over them

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We live in a world where we are supposed to get over our ex-boyfriends or girlfriends with the shake of a lambs tail, and not waste our time grieving over the loss of an almost relationship, because it wasn't a real one, so why be sad over someone who doesn't want to fully commit to you? It's all a load of bull. You took the time and finally got over the lump in your throat and pain in your stomach from the hurt of it all. You might have taken weeks or months, but you're finally fine again. You even might have met someone new. Everything with them is great, far better than you ever thought, and you even forgot your past sadness. That is until you hear their name, and you go right back to the heartache.

What's in a name? Everything about a person is in their name, and you'll forever associate that name with the one who hurt you. You know you're over them, clearly, so why does hearing this persons name or seeing them around campus like a punch to the gut? Why do you think about them when your mind drifts off, or you hear a certain song? The answer is simple, you can be totally over someone but still think about them from time to time. There's no shame in it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Everyone thinks about their former flame sometimes, whether it's a fleeting thought or something that occupies more of your time than you like, like when you're trying to sleep and just can't, your mind drifts. You can be with someone new, but still find your thoughts somehow shifting towards the past, wondering who he's seeing, and if he's happy now like you finally are. Obviously, your happiness is MOST important, but it doesn't hurt to send positive vibes their way, because as much as you want to wish them the worst, you know you won't. Negative vibes only bring out more negative vibes, and you only need positive ones in your life.

I think about my former flame from time to time, especially if I happen to see him on campus. It's a load of awkward because we're very much never going to talk ever again. Do I have my days when I smack myself for missing the times we had? Yes, but I'm not going to punish myself. I've found my inner peace and learned to fall in love with myself again, and give my heart to someone new who deserves it more than he ever did. No bad blood from me, I only wish him the best and hope he lives the life he hopes for.

I don't think we need to punish ourselves for letting our thoughts gravitate, we're human and we have feelings. Feel those feelings, write them out, and move on. If you're thinking about your former flame multiple times a day every day of the week, that's when I would worry and maybe reevaluate yourself and what you want in terms of relationships. However, sometimes we just have to let our thoughts linger on the past, so we can see how much better the present is.

Literally, so hot RN

Literally, so hot RN

I Am A Hopeless Romantic Living In A World Where One-Night Stands Are The Norm

It's the little things.

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In today's society, it can certainly start to feel like no one takes love seriously anymore.

Whether it's that one couple who has broken up and gotten back together more times than you can count, the two friends-with-benefits no one can figure out, your local womanizer, or just hookups in general, love and lust are a huge part of specifically college life and culture.

As a hopeless romantic, being part of a generation that "just wants to have fun" can be really frustrating, especially when you just want to find something real. It is so easy for people to put on a fake act just to get what they want and sometimes this can be extremely hard to see through. I'm sure we've all had some kind of incident with someone who played nice but had ulterior motives and the sad truth is that it can be impossible to recognize a person's artificiality.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always classified myself as such, and it has remained true. Sure, I can make the most of the freedoms I have as a single college woman, but deep down I just want to find my person.

I've had my fair share of letdowns, and I think we all have, but being a hopeless romantic makes it that much more difficult to get past the "what ifs" and fantasies that come along with starting something with someone new. We may already have our hearts set on a person when they decide they've gotten what they wanted and leave.

For me, I find myself caught up in the little things that someone does. I have always been someone who picks up on small details in situations, and sometimes this works against me.

I pick up on the small facial expressions that he may not even realize he is making; the ones that tell you when their guard has been let down, even just for a split second.

I pick up on the way he sits our two cellphones side by side on the nightstand, taking care to line them up perfectly as if that's just their spot.

I pick up on the short moments of laughter where he actually lets himself laugh and forgets about the act.

I pick up on things, and sometimes I end up hurting because of it.

When it comes down to it, though, I wouldn't change the way that I am. I wouldn't change the fact that I find myself in the search for more in a society that mostly only offers me less.

The trait that tends to hurt me most is also the one that I value most. Even if noticing all the little things is something that contributes to my own heartache, I love those moments. There is something beautiful about those tiny things shared by two people, even if the connection ends there.

Sure, it can be hard. But so can everything.

It's just a matter of finding the beauty.

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Dedicate Your Summer To Bettering Yourself For Yourself, Not Your Ex

Why waste energy on an ex who doesn't care about you anymore?

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I'm single for the summer (yet again, no shock there) but this summer there's something in the air that just feels different. It's the feeling of true acceptance of my single status.

Last summer I was single when I really didn't want to be. My heart with still holding out for a guy who wasn't interested in anything more than my friendship. It took me from late March all the way until Halloween to get over those feelings. However, while working through those tough feelings that summer, I came to enjoy my time on my own and not talking to anyone except my best friends. I didn't have to worry about when I'd get a text back, or if I'd be left on read, or who he'd be out with since I wasn't around. The only thing I needed to worry about was my paychecks and tan lines.

Sometimes after breaking things off with someone who you put so much effort into, whether it was a boyfriend, an almost relationship, or even a friend with benefits, it's easy to want to show off on social media and make them regret ever hurting you or ending things. Why? It's a nice little ego boost, sure, but after those few seconds of glee from the fact that you know they've seen and maybe even liked your picture or your tweet, or saw your story on Snapchat, do you still feel happy? No, you go right back to feeling like crap, whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making yourself all about them when that ship has sailed and start being all about you.

Your ex is off doing their own thing, maybe thinking about you, but obviously not enough to want you back in their life the way you used to be. They are probably out there finding a new person to take your spot because they don't have you at their beck and call anymore. If they're also showing off to show you how much better they are without you or to make you jealous...why are you still following them or still participating in this sick little game for attention? Grow up and block them so you don't have to keep seeing their posts, or be adult enough to stop if you're doing the same as well. If it's only you posting, chances are you just look stupid, so stop before you really embarrass yourself. I was that person, and I know first hand how embarrassed I am for acting the way I did.

Summer is synonymous for doing whatever the hell you want. Wear what you want, say what you want, and be the best version of yourself that only a high dose of Vitamin D can bring out. Your ex is an ex for many reasons. You have to set aside the summer for you and what benefits you only. Don't concern yourself with an ex who doesn't care in the least about you anymore. Coming from someone who posted thirst traps aimed at a specific person along with countless shady AF stories on Snap and Insta in the hopes that this one person and their friends would see it, just stop and save yourself the energy as well as regret.

We're all adults, it's time to stop the petty posts and photos. Post your thirst trap for yourself because you're a sexy queen who doesn't need anyone but herself. Once you start focusing on yourself this summer, instead of your ex, you'll realize just have great it feels to truly be free.

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